


Why?

by saiansha



Category: Homeland
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 15:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiansha/pseuds/saiansha
Summary: "You saved me." "Yes." "Why?" Carrie's internal monologue as she grapples with that question. Spoilers for S6x02.





	Why?

“You saved me.”

It was as much a question as it was a statement.

“Yes.”

Matter of fact.

“Why?”

_Why?_

_Why did I save_ him?

 _Or why did I_ save _him?_

 _Or why did_ I _save him?_  
  
_Why? Why? Why?_

_What do you mean why?_

_How can you ask me why?_

_Why do you ask me why?_

_Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_

“Why?”

_Because it was my turn to save you._

_Because it was my turn to have your back._

_Why?_

_If you survived even after Berlin, even after Syria, even after Islamabad and everything before that, what right did I have to take it away from you?_  
  
_Because despite what you think, you were never full of darkness. You were the light that kept shining even though the rest of us tried crushing it out._

"Why?"   
  
_Because you saved me from myself._

_Because you let me soar and keep me tethered at the same time._

_Why? Why? Why? Why?_

_Because the world owes it to you._

_Because you deserve to be cared for._

_Because they, we, everyone, left you with no choice and it is time you had one._

_Because I need to see you smile and laugh and feel again._

_Why?_

_Because you loved me._

_And I love you._

“I’m sorry.”

_For using you and being no different than the rest of them._

_For calling you back every time you tried to leave._

_For never putting you before me._

_For choosing to chase shadows rather than chasing after you and taking care of you._

_For not trying harder to find you._

_For giving up trying to find you._

_For never taking the time to understand you._

_For not crushing you against me and kissing you and telling you as soon as I saw you that it was a yes, that I loved you, that I wanted you and I wanted out._

_For not learning from my mistakes and again using you, again giving you up._

_For all this._

“I’m really sorry.”

 _I’m really sorry I never told you any of this._  
  
_I’m really sorry I will never be able to._

**Author's Note:**

> My first Homeland fic. I'd forgotten how daunting entering a new fandom was :o Please leave a review, even if you didn't like it! I have cookies and I don't bite :) And happy new year!


End file.
